That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are
Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an
argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
refuse to answer.
If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you
want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do
it, just do it yourself.
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do
If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care
If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act
like nothing's wrong. We know you are
lying, but it is just
not worth the hassle.
If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
answer you don't want to hear.
When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear
is fine. Really.
Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are
prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation, or monster trucks.
You have enough clothes.
You have too many shoes.
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's
Bruce Lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter
what they're saying anyway.)
It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
together. No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
I am in shape. ROUND is a shape.
Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on
the couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind
that, it's like camping.